Updated: I originally posted this blog over two years ago (September 25, 2015), so the #shoutyourabortion hashtag is old. But, for some reason I have had a strong urge to share this post again. I feel the church as a whole needs to hear this and I pray you see my true intentions. There are a lot of people hurting right now and I keep hearing time and time again about the brokenness that goes along with abortion. Before you read, please remember these are women too and they deserve our prayers, our compassion and most of all our love.
So here’s the deal, before the affiliates and before the ambassadorships of this blog, this blog was birthed soulful on a voice, God’s voice. When I first started my blog, it really only had one purpose and that was to empower women. Empower women to be who God wanted them to be in this tough world. By me sharing stories and testimonies God has seen me through, I have always had the notion of helping another woman get to where she and God wants her to be and this blog has helped me deliver just that.
I knew that as I started this blog there was a huge chunk of my story that I wanted to share that was going to be one of the platforms of my blog. I knew that it was a story that God wanted me to share because our world really needs to hear it. So when God called me to start a blog, I fought tooth and nail! I knew what He would ask of me at some point and I was not willing to tell that particular story just yet. But, eventually as it always happens, GOD won and I gave into starting this blog.
So, for almost a year one story has been missing and I feel now I am ready to share it. You see, it’s on a subject that people have very strong opinions about and I have to say I was scared to share it, because of my own selfish reasons. I was incredibly scared of the backlash it would cause. Instead of trusting God and sharing, I let fear get into the way. God recently reminded me why this blog came about and I again came up with an excuse of why I shouldn’t write it but, God reminded me very softly: it’s not about your timing, it’s about mine. It will never be right to tell my story on my time but, it will always be right on His time. So His time is here and I am ready to be His vessel.
God knows this world is yearning for guidance, direction and love and He is prepared to give it, IF only we will ask Him for it. People the time is RIGHT! Start leaning on God in every aspect of your life!
So with all of that being said, I pray you hear what I am saying and remember that I am human. I believe God will do something huge with my testimony. I believe He will give hope to the weary, faith to the fearful and love to the weak. I have spoken my testimony to individuals and churches but, never on this level so, if one person reads this little blog post and it resonates, then I have done my job as a child of God.
Overcoming Through Grace: My thoughts On #shoutyourabortion
The hashtag #shoutyourabortion made its debut on Monday, September 21, 2015 and as I laid in bed reading the posts on Twitter and Facebook that were associated with the hashtag, it saddened my heart for all of the parties involved. Whether you are pro-choice or pro-life it was extremely sad. I got out of my bed and could not settle myself, because it aroused something within me that I could not suppress. (If you haven’t seen the hashtag, BEWARE! You may just find something you may not want to see. You have been warned.) I sat on the couch and began looking at the comments and posts and I couldn’t help but cry. I cried for all of the babies lost, I cried for the mammas that fall victim to this awful thing we call abortion, I cried for all of the ignorant people posting hateful and nasty comments, I cried for the dads involved, but I mostly cried because it brought back memories of my own. Memories that for many years I tried to suppress.
I am a woman who has had an abortion and I am NOT wanting to #shoutmyabortion at all but, for the sake of someone else’s healing I will put myself out there……..
I am what a woman of abortion looks like. I am a wife, a mother of three healthy children, including a set of twins, a business owner, a homeschool mom, Disney-fanatic and my husband is even called to the ministry. Yep, I have a somewhat normal life. I am just like you! But, I have a past that if some of you knew, you would shun me in the grocery store or you would talk and judge me behind my back, because of the choice I have made. It’s time to face the fact that our society is full of broken people. It doesn’t matter how they got there, the only thing that matters is how they can get out of the brokenness.
It took me marrying a wonderful man who saw past my past struggles and chose to do what was right and call on God to help me mend, help me get past my past struggles and to forgive myself. I never will forget as I told Chris for the first time, my palms were sweating and I felt like I was going to vomit. I was so afraid that he wouldn’t marry me. Not because he was mean or judgmental but, because I had so much shame behind my past. But to my surprise he was the first glimpse I ever saw of Jesus in my adult life. He showed me who Jesus truly was when he said: you are not your past, you are beautiful to me and to God. Then and there I knew who Jesus truly was, I saw him through my future husband.
Years went by and I suppressed my anger and sadness that resulted from those horrible days in my life. No one, whether you are pro-choice or pro-life ever walks into a clinic and truly wants to have an abortion. They may see it as a way out but, they do not truly want to end a life or stop a life from coming into this world. Or if they do, the thought of what will happen in that clinic can be horrifying to anyone. An abortion clinic is a scary place. I don’t care what anyone says, I know first hand that an abortion clinic is a cold and dark place, no matter who you are. It smells of death and fear! Fear of not knowing what is about to happen and/or the fear of making the wrong decision. No one wants to make the wrong decision, EVER! Especially when it comes to this decision, there is no turning back. No changing your mind. You want to make the right decision! Just thinking of it sends shutters up my spine and makes me think of happier times in my life to keep my mind from drifting there. I know what you are thinking: If it was so horrible then why did you do it, Mandi? I have no idea! I truly do not, except for the fact that I was scared and most of all ashamed. I wish I could give a better answer than that but, I cannot.
I Am An Overcomer
It took me several years to sort through my anger, disappointment, and drama that resulted from those days in my life. But, with strong mentors, a patient husband, a Women’s Abortion Recovery Bible Study, and God I have overcome!!!!! I HAVE forgiven myself and GOD FORGIVES ME TOO! I am a overcomer!!!!! I should never let my past define me and neither should you. What you should let define you is the OVERCOMER inside of you. God wants to share the victory with you, whatever your sin may be, He wants you to walk in joy again!
I OWN my past and I do not blame anyone for them. I am responsible for my own actions. I had a normal childhood, it wasn’t my parents’ fault. I knew right from wrong, I had free-will and still do. I chose to do the wrong things and I had to answer to them. So, I DO NOT blame anyone for them. Abortion was not for me and I paid for it for many years, by tormenting myself with guilt, lack of self-confidence and anger.
What would Jesus do if He was walking this earth today?
I tell you what He would do. He would teach our young women and men to have respect for their bodies. He would teach young women and men to respect each other. He would give love to the mama who chose life, He would give love to the mama that didn’t. So why aren’t we doing the same? People, put down your Bibles for one second, stop showing me the scripture about murder, I’ve seen it. I know I am a murderer, I don’t need to be reminded. Put your Bibles down one second and stop beating people with it and show the love of God.
So what is the answer?
Compassion! Showing compassion to the voiceless of course but, also to the mother and our young people before they even start having sex. Have compassion not just for the babies in the womb that pro-lifers are fighting for, but for the mamas who have fallen into thinking that abortion is the only way out. Have compassion for the young mom that chose to not have an abortion and decided to follow through with her pregnancy. She had courage to not have an abortion and gave her baby life. Don’t judge her because of the “mistake” you think she made.
Also remember you have sinned too, but society likes to rate sins, so in others’ eyes I am a bigger sinner than the next person, because of what I have done. God doesn’t rate our sins, we do! Stop rating sins and start helping people heal of their sins. Let God use you in this fight!
It may be a matter of life or death in the end.
If you know of anyone or you are someone who has fallen victim to an abortion please get in touch with someone, a pastor, a mentor, an Abortion Recovery Group or myself. I know it can be a cold and dark place of unforgiveness, depression, anxiety and torment.
If you are pregnant and you do not know where to turn there are people out there who can help you or again you can contact me.
If you are a father of an aborted baby, I have not forgotten you, there are also grief groups that you can look into as well.
And lastly, if you are looking to show support in this matter and want to show compassion and love to these people, start at your church, ask your pastor what you can do. I know he already knows there is a need for it. We need to get out of our pews and make it happen. This problem will not stop on its own. We have to, with the guidance and love of God, set it into motion. Don’t sit on the side lines judging, start DOING! Stop taking sides and be pro-people, for all people! Choose to be a voice for them all!
It’s not about being pro-choice or pro-life, it’s about being pro-people. People ask me which category I fall into and I can strongly say, I am neither. I am pro-people!
I hope you have seen my true intentions in this blog post and I thank you for reading! I am honored to have all of you here. Please reach out to me if you need anything. I am always right here!
I pray this blog continues to empower women through their faith and health. I pray all of you find who you truly are in the eyes of Christ and not your own. You can do so many things, no matter what your sins may be. Don’t let your sins or past define who you are! YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE!
Until next time!
- The links I have provided are in my area of the country but, please call and they will direct you to someone in your area. Or email me at Mandi@AmandaMiddleton.me. I love all of you and thank God for you everyday!
I would love to invite you to join my FB group, The PurposeFULL Woman, where we share, encourage, support and uplift each other. We share fitness tips, holistic living recipes and tips, business, anything and everything family and all the while giving you permission to be yourself. We keep it real and share on a daily basis! If you would like to join, head on over and ask to join us.