Today, I found myself in a Starbucks parking lot crying in my car. Let me explain….
My joy has seriously been robbed lately. It has been no one else’s fault except my own. I have found myself drowning with life issues, worrying about heart conditions, worrying about Christmas presents and letting life, in general, get the best of me. I am human and I am entitled to a good cry, but I cannot sit in my own sorrow.
The last few months have been hard, I am not going to lie. A genetic heart condition has consumed every waking moment for my family and I. Worry has set in and heart monitors, blood pressure devices, ER visits and doctors’ appointments have become our new norm. We are constantly being reminded of my heart condition. Everywhere you turn in our house there is a reminder. A reminder that makes me angry somedays and can definitely rob my joy, if I let it consume me.
My Joy Was Gone
I was starting to kid myself into thinking I was joyful and it had worked for sometime, but that had come to an end and it was time to seek my joy again, in the midst of the storm. If not, I was going to drown. I already felt the water coming up over me and it was suffocating. I was going through the motions; writing blogs, leading The PurposeFULL Woman groups, doing podcasts, running a travel business and Disney blog, being a mom and a wife, but I was suffocating, because I couldn’t find my joy! I thought it wasn’t there anymore!
Don’t Give Up
Last night I spoke to a group of ladies and did The PurposeFULL Woman podcast about, none other than, joy! Of all things! One of the things that was baffling me the most was what God was calling me to speak about. Really?! Yep, really! Just like God isn’t it? It was time for me to speak about my joyless life and help others’ including myself overcome.
As I wrapped up my day yesterday, I kept thinking about how our joy comes from the Lord! Joy is a gift, but it has to be nurtured. As I beat myself up thinking about all of the ways that I hadn’t nurtured my joy, God kept reminding me of how I HAD nurtured my joy, after all. He reminded me that I still kept moving forward even in the storm. I still kept helping others through the podcasts and blogs while going through my own storm. He reminded me that I had kept the faith and was still praying. He reminded me that I hadn’t given up. He reminded me that He was still there and He hadn’t given up on me.
Today, I woke up feeling absolutely lousy. My body hurt. (The meds the docs have me taking are horrid.) I had a migraine and body aches. I worried about how I was physically going to take my kid to see Santa or how I was going to take all of us to the chiropractor. I worried about how I would stay awake and take another kid to piano later that day. I didn’t want to let my kids down. Worry started setting in and joy was leaving.
I put on my big girl panties, gave myself a pep talk and went anyway. I went out of love for my kids and pushed forward, like I have grown accustomed to. As we were on the way, I decided I would treat myself and stop by the local Starbucks for a cup of coffee. Decaf, of course, due to my heart condition. (Gggggrrrrr, I am still a bit bitter about that one.) As I reached the drive through window the cashier said: Merry Christmas! The person in front of you paid for your coffee and I am paying for the person behind you. We want to treat you!
I was shocked! They had no idea who I was and they still blessed me! It was just like God was sitting next to me and talking to me. He was saying: I want to treat you. I love you! Now, slow down and let’s talk about JOY.
It wasn’t about the money. It was about the gesture, the selflessness and the kindness two people showed to a stranger.
As I sat in my car crying, I realized God was showing me what He had been trying to tell me all along. He was showing me where true joy lies. He was showing me the kindness of others’ actions. He was showing me once again my true calling in life. It was just confirmation once again that I was on the right track and to keep moving forward; one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, just keep moving, like I already had been doing.
Today, I needed a confirmation that I was doing the right thing and that God was with me. He showed me what it felt like to be on the receiving end of giving and that I cannot stop giving to others. Other’s find joy in my gestures, now I was feeling joy in another’s. Don’t get me wrong, people do things for me all of the time and I am truly thankful, but this morning it smacked me in the face.
My Joy Comes From The Lord
He showed me this morning how to find joy again in teaching and nurturing my kids, how to find joy in a servants heart and to find humility in joy. There is humility and trust in joy. Humility and trust IS joy.
Don’t ever underestimate the power of doing something for others. You might be helping them find joy in the midst of their own storm. Don’t ever stop doing the little things, they help more than you know.
You may be the vessel that God sent for them at just the right time!
Start looking for the joy in the little things. They may seem so small to you, but God is showing you that these are the things He’s made up of….. and that my friends is HUGE! So, if your joy is being robbed, ask God to show you how to get it back. He will show you in the most amazing way, maybe even at your local Starbucks!
Until next time….
- I would love to invite you to join my FB group, The PurposeFULL Woman, where we share, encourage, support and uplift each other. We share fitness tips, holistic living recipes and tips, business, anything and everything family and all the while giving you permission to be yourself. We keep it real and share on a daily basis! If you would like to join, head on over and ask to join us.