A true confession from my heart to yours….

I was driving down the road earlier today and I heard the song, Overcomer by Mandisa. If you haven’t listened to it I can wait while you listen. It’s a catchy and upbeat song, but don’t get lost in the beat, really listen to what she is saying in this song.

Okay, you’ve listened, right?

I have to admit, I had to pull over on the side of the road when I listened to the song today. I have heard it a thousand times, but never heard it like this. I really listened to the words and I realized she was describing my life.

You’re an overcomer

Stay in the fight ’til the final round

You’re not going under

‘Cause God is holding you right now

You might be down for a moment

Feeling like it’s hopeless

That’s when He reminds you

That you’re an overcomer

You’re an overcomer”

As you know, I talk a lot about overcoming obstacles in life, because I have overcome many. But, I have found myself at a crossroads these days. The same crossroads I have been at before. Same anxiety and depression, but different circumstances. Except this time, it is more intense, more debilitating than ever before and more shameful.

You see, I am an overcomer, but now I have more to overcome. I was naive in thinking that last time I overcame obstacles that it wouldn’t happen again. That it would be just that, the last time! I thought I wouldn’t need to go back to the tools I used to overcome the first time.

BOY WAS I WRONG!

This time I let it get the best of me. I had forgotten the tools God equipped me with the last time I overcame obstacles. I had forgotten the words He has spoken into me for years and continues to speak, but now they have fallen on deaf ears. I hadn’t heard them in a long time. Not because He wasn’t speaking them, but because I was choosing not to hear them.

My Comeback

I am slowly coming out of this dark place. The dark place that has been a longtime coming. The dark place that I have been ashamed of and didn’t want to let anyone into. I mean how can I help others overcome if I can’t get my act together? I have written articles on anxiety, spoken on Podcasts about Anxiety and spoken to crowds about overcoming, but I still couldn’t get my poop together. I lived with the shame day-in and day-out and I was living a lie.

I couldn’t and still can’t go to social events or even church somedays. It has been clearly debilitating. Somedays I literally have to take it minute-by-minute. Somedays I literally have to just breathe. Breathe and pray. Pray and breathe. I am having to relearn how to think. Retrain my brain, my stinkin’ thinkin’ that I have grown so accustomed to. Retrain how I react to situations. Retrain myself to pray instead of dwell on situations.

If there is one thing I have learned through all of this is, it’s this:  There is no shame in asking for help!

How I Got Here

Depression and anxiety can come in like a freight train. I mean seriously, a freight train. It is NO fun!

When Your Depression Is SO Large And You Feel So SmallI was so hung up on pride I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. My best of friends and even my husband didn’t know the torment I was living in. They didn’t know the depression that I had sunk into. My husband knew some, but I only let him in so far. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because I didn’t want him to have one more thing to worry about. So I continued on my merry way until I was so deep I was missing social events and even church because of panic attacks. Panic attacks that were brought on by overthinking situations, worrying and not sleeping. Panic attacks that were getting in the way of outings with my kids. And speaking of the kids, my temper flared and my fuse was so short with them. None being their fault, I was just overwhelmed and I let life get in the way. I let life situations take over my mind, fear of the unknown take over my soul and worry became the norm.

This was years in the making. Years of wanting to explode, Years of wanting to say something, but didn’t because, I didn’t want to rock the boat. Years of being a doormat. Years of being the strong, but silent type. Years of lack of sleep. Years of worry and fear. Years of anger. Years of financial struggles. Years of worrying about the “what ifs”. Years of worrying what others’ thought. Years of struggling as a mom. Years of wondering if I was doing all of the right things for my husband and being the wife he needed in his career. Years of rejection. Years of sorrow. Years of feeling like a bad mother. Years of thinking I was going to “mess up” my kids. Years of thinking (especially after the twins were born) that life was just too much.

You see all of these things could not be helped, but I didn’t always react very well to them. I didn’t react like the graceful human I should have. I bottled all of it up and my explosion was anxiety and depression. I am slowly learning what my triggers are and how I got here. God is showing me more tools in this stage of overcoming. He is giving me more tools this go-around so I can help someone else while I help myself. Here are a few things I have learned:

  1. Take each day minute-by-minute. Day-by-day is too much for someone to bare with anxiety and depression, so start small. Pray through every single thing you do, even if it is as simple as making coffee. Don’t give your mind time to wander.
  2. Only think of the task at hand, not a week from now. Take care of today, tomorrow will worry itself.
  3. Breathe. Take the time to take a deep breath. Seriously, just breathe!
  4. Pray. Like I said before pray over every task, no matter how big or small. If you are praying, you aren’t worrying.
  5. Speak life over yourself. Stop the negative self-talk. Easier said than done, but try. This is crucial.
  6. Prioritize. Let go of the things that aren’t serving you or bettering you. Period! Enough said.
  7. If it’s not a “Hell Yes”, it’s a BIG FAT NO! Life is too short to worry about the things we really don’t want to do. (Use your discernment here though, you may have to “suck it up” and go to a few kids’ parties to make the kids happy, but that is well worth it in the long run for your kiddos.)
  8. Start saying the word NO. Easier said than done, but again, crucial. I am a pleaser at heart, I have to really work on this. My husband helps me with this one A LOT.
  9. And then stop feeling guilty for saying no.
  10. Ask for help. All of those years I thought I could do it all by myself have taken a toll on me. I should have and still should ask for more help when it comes to the kids. I should ask for more breaks. (This is a work in progress for sure.)
  11. Ask for prayer. Allow people to stand in the gap for you. God knows your heart. He knows you are hurting and you cannot always pray for yourself, so ask for others to stand in the gap for you. Again, this one is hard for me. My pride gets in the way. Thank God I have a Godly husband that believes in the power of prayer and he stands in that gap as well as family and friends we confide in.
  12. Surround yourself with people that understand and can help you and support you when times get hard. You need them reminding you of what to do and what God is calling you to do next.

I want to help others more than ever to conquer and overcome, so I knew what I had to do. I had to write about this as it is still raw. I am still going through the dark stages, but each day gets better and better. Better because I am thinking more clearly. Better because I have supportive people around me that remind me when I get down what the next step should be. Better because I have prayer warriors praying for me. And better because I have God on my side. Some days may be long and hard, but I am always reminded, I AM AN OVERCOMER.

I know my enemies may use this article to their advantage or even some that may read this and think that I am weak or vulnerable. But, the yearning to help another is stronger than the force of “giving a poo” of what they think. They can use this article against me, because they have used many others against me in the past. But I am here to tell you, I DO NOT CARE!!! Why Am I telling you this? Well, because the “doing the will of God” is stronger in me than ever before and He will see me through it, just like He will see you through so many of your obstacles.

When Your Depression Is SO Large And You Feel So SmallEverybody’s been down

Hit the bottom, hit the ground

Ooh, You’re not alone

Just take a breath, don’t forget

Hang on to His promises

He wants you to know

You’re an overcomer

Stay in the fight ’til the final round

You’re not going under

‘Cause God is holding you right now

You might be down for a moment

Feeling like it’s hopeless

That’s when He reminds you

That you’re an overcomer

You’re an overcomer

The same man, the great I am

The one who overcame death

Is living inside of you

So just hold tight, fix your eyes

On the one who holds your life

There’s nothing he can’t do

He’s telling you”

How I Lost My Crazy Faith And Now I Need It BackCrazy Faith

I am holding onto my crazy faith! I have not forgotten it and I wont let you either. You are an overcomer and so am I. Believe! When you have nothing else to fall on, believe and have faith. He’s got you!

If you are walking in anxiety or depression you probably feel like your faith is gone. But, I am here to tell you, that is far from the truth. Anxiety usually shows up the most in the most faithful. We just need the tools to combat the anxiety and get our faith stronger and stronger every single day.

Grab the FREE download at the end of this blog so you can keep up with your Crazy Faith. It always helps me to write down my prayers and when they came to pass. I love to look back and read what God has done in my life. Years to come you will love the reminder. Download and copy as many as you like, so you can start your own Crazy Faith Journal!

So What Now

Every single day I will be overcoming something, overcoming obstacles, overcoming fears or tribulations. But, I refuse to let the enemy take me down. I refuse to be debilitated any longer. I am going to be myself and fight. Fight till the bitter end. I will never be whole on this earth. I will never be perfected in this world. So until I reach Heaven I will keep fighting and then rejoice the day I go to Heaven knowing my body will be whole and I won’t have to fight any more, because the good fight has been won.

YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER!

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Until next time….

~xoxo

Mandi

  • Please keep in touch! I would love to invite you to join my FB group, The PurposeFULL Woman, where we share, encourage, support and uplift each other. We share fitness tips, holistic living recipes and tips, business, anything and everything family and all the while giving you permission to be yourself. We keep it real and share on a daily basis! If you would like to join, head on over and ask to join us.

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